"Parting of loving someone is learning to let go"

!LOVESTORIES

{Wednesday, May 31, 2006}

do you ever.....?

ever felt lonely even though you are surrounded by people you love, people who loved you, people you hate and vice versa?
ever felt lonely even when you are happily chatting with your family members, your favourite person in the world wide world or with your e "other" one...?

Sometimes, despite having friends beside me and the family who loves me and not forgetting the one that promises not to give up on me, i just feel so lonely and empty.

"i guess this is life, inevitable. but.... why?
one may seem to be laughing and smiling, screaming and jumping around. sometimes, i just wish to release everything me in me and have a good cry. But when the tears threaten to fall, I just think to myself, there is nothing wrong, why should i be crying? And *poof* the mood is gone.. -sigh- I do not know what the problem and i blame it on my hormones, thats the excuse. isnt it so? I do not know what the problem and i blame it on my hormones, thats the excuse. isnt it so? Is there someone out there that can really understand me without me speaking? Is there? "

I AM FINE PEOPLE!!! =)
wahahahahaha....
have a good nitey! =>

wishing for a message from you... @+-- =>

i wish you understand more at 9:39 pm

{Tuesday, May 30, 2006}

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid tooCna yuo raed tihs?
Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid,
aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are,
the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the wrod as a wlohe.
Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

i wish you understand more at 11:46 am

hmmm... had a good win last night..
but..... my mood wasnt so well la.. *shrugs*
jus doesnt wish to comment on it..

anyway, on another note, i swear i will get back @ u.. whoever u are..
maybe not swear la.. I tries my best la, if i ever get that chance.. =)
it was a good fight considering that weekday is normally the "off" day..
n i thought people might wish to know that certain "superstar" had a BO that is unbearable... *grInz*

had a good sms session with you... =)
just so happy you came..
@-+-- => heeeee..... tralalalalalalalallalalalalala......

THANKS LENG's MUM & LENG FOR THE BA ZHANG.. eating that for lunchy later!!! =>

i wish you understand more at 8:55 am

{Thursday, May 25, 2006}

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

I remembered taking an exactly same test eons ago and now it seems that the result i have gotten this time round doesnt seems to be the same as previous..... Why is this so? i do not know... perhapes this gives me an idea what i'm feeling right now at this phase of my life...

*shrugs*

i wish you understand more at 5:14 pm

{Wednesday, May 17, 2006}

i had the ramlY burger yesterday and im having the run now..
not too sure whether it was due to the weird-tasting orange-carrot juice i had in the afternoon or the ramly i had in the evening.. =(
ramly auntie cannot get my order correct and i ended up eating a plain chix burger.. =( *sobs*

n now i cant type properly cause im suffering "frost bite" and my hand is numb.. yea... frost bite in sunny singapore.. N my finger no longer moving properly. RETARTED is e word... =(
i am fine with the aircon blowing dwn on me ONLY... but now when they removed a choked filter somewhere in the animal room. The bloody aircon recovers from its "illness" causing the temp to drop even further. Now the whole office is bloody cold at dunno how many degrees. N im stil at the same corner with even lower temp as compared to other areas of the room.... *frozen*

n now, once in a while, i run out of the office to grip on the scorching metal railings to warm dwn. *lauGhs*
i wish for a hot coffee now.. sobs....

last sat game with src was a good one. we won.. Though i haven been putting in any goals for my game, gerry did very well.. *proud of her* considering the number of goals she put in at her age and injury! Thats the advantage of being fit ...

i have been stagnant for too long. Its time for me get my fat ass moving and do some run on MY OWN!!!

Game with theresian on thurs.. I better try my best la. Im losing e touch in everything wor.. *gosh*

i wish you understand more at 12:01 pm

{Monday, May 15, 2006}

awwwww..... i had a super duper big craving for a "ramli" burger now.. sobs sobs...

who willing to be a kind soul n get 1 for me?

passed by clementi pasar malam on my way home jus now and i was about to succumb to that temptation of buying one. But looking at the long Q, n considering i got a long journey home (the burger will get cold & mircowaving it wun do it any good) plus its very the not satisfying shd i sit in the bus and eat....

Juicy, sweet and oily... *gosh* so hungry now...

i wish you understand more at 8:53 pm

! ! ! H A p p Y b I r T h d A y ! ! !

to my dearest zhi zhi~~!!! whose great day fell on the 12th of May...
Hope you had a great day tt day n shall meet up soon for a dinner date ya? =)

and not forgetting the banana who is now in BLANGADESH!!!!
wahahaha.... remember to on the flash while taking fotos eh?*grInz*
Hope u had a great day todae with ur beloved shaunie..

hMmmMm.. its been ard 10 years?????!!!!
WAH... i dint realise it has been ten yrs! we been ard each other for a decade?
but im not sick of u guys yet!!!! wahahahahaha...

oPpsy... my entry today doesnt seem to be in order.. But heck! it never been anyway.. haha...

Ciao~~~
i jus wanna say happy birthday to 2 of my pals.. ;)

i wish you understand more at 12:51 pm

{Tuesday, May 09, 2006}

instant noodle for lunch and off to a quick nap for today. Blardy stoned now cos the sister and i stayed up late to watch the DA CHANG JIN dvds. Gosh~ i only managed a 2 hrs or less sleep........

anyway, elections are way over. I got to vote for the 1st time in my life. N yet, i did an incredible thing! lol... i guess my vote was 1 of the 800+ voided votes under MP Teo Ho Pin (Bukit Panjang). Dun ask me why cos i aint telling u.... wahahahahahhaha..... Minority or maybe only 1 or 2 said it was valid while e rest say its aint. Lol... whatever.. its over and he won. =)

But...... i left a very" meaningful" 1st timer vote.. wahahahahah....

i had a nice met up with an old pal frm sec sch and a couple more from the 1st part time job i ever held. Its been 2 long years since i met up with them. i guess i had only 2 main reasons... either its hockey or ........ weekend "usually" pass this way unless something unexpectantly occurs... So i guess i always missed out on meeting them. N im glad and appreciative that all these while, they have not forgotten about me and still jio me out. You guys definately have a special place in my heart. N even for not meeting up, they still made me feel as part of them. Ever so comfortable.. But somehow, i felt so guilty for the lack of trying to get to know whats going on in their life during all this while. I missed 2 yrs.. Thats like 730 days. People fell out with one another, people fallen out of r/s and people moving on with their lives in a totally new environment.

I promise to catch up.. i promise........

nevertheless, currently i had caught MI3 and when a stranger calls with them. Plus a dim sum supper in geylang. Burnt a hole in my pocket for the late midnight taxis etc... But i guess it was worth it to catch on old pals. =)

have i been this sort of person all along?
it makes me stopped right there in my track..
stunned and disillusioned.
i never meant it to be this way nor have i have tried to do all those you have lashed it out at me.

i never wanted to do, tried to or even have thoughts on it.

words said out of anger always hurts the most. You never know how much it can kills a person and you can never take back those words too..
I may know it was out of anger.. but....
why am i feeling this way now?
i need a direction... i need an outlet to forget all these....

i wish you understand more at 2:09 pm

{Friday, May 05, 2006}

unbelievable... even to myself...
N yes, i guess there is no longer a U-Turn to be made as the letter was sent with just a click of the mouse.
Mixed emotions definately.
Heart sank as i seen it right before me as it was sent.

From this moment onwards....

I, chu yue xiu shall now forget all bout it and start anew....
i shall have a resolution for the later part of the year coming up shortly i hope.. =)

heh heh heh... Due to my procastination. Trip down to agency shall be push back till after the election voting and after "ben xiao jie" feels like going.
Otherwise, i shall have to stuck my ass to this super sunny singapore and rot and start a new job on growing moulds on thyself.
blah.. i feel empty. lol.....

MI3 here i come........ but before that i shall pay a visit to granny at NUH.
I hope she fine... cant wait to knock off now.

Hais.. even when i was crapping away now, ladies trg at SSC just kept popping up! Grrrr......................................

*poof*
tralalallalalalallaa................................ blabbering nonsense again..

i wish you understand more at 4:49 pm

{Thursday, May 04, 2006}

looks like i do have some support after all.. Thanks Peizhi.. 1 popcorn for u...

Ya... i guess that something is no longer making me happy. Someone too.. But lets talk bout that something instead... =)
I do after all... have people giving me e support i needed. hee...
Its not being made known to all yet esp those who needed to noe about it. Procastinating to give them an answer.
1 told me that he not trying to be the devil advocate by agreeing with my decision cos i guess from his viewpoint, he thinks its just not worth it? 1 pop corn for him too..
another 1 tells me to follow my mind and not the heart, for the heart lies at times.. Be more focus on the future and the regrets that i might faced later on. But i guess my heart ruled the mind and surpass the passion that i have. Perhapes, there might be a later on chance that i can strive for again should there be a regret. He wishes me all the best and will respect the decision i made. Though he feels it was a waste.
1 tells me not to give up. Reason numerous.
1 asked why am i giving it up? Isnt it a waste? hmmm... i dunno... i just shrug my shoulder...
E one that leaves me the most surprises is my sis.. Im so amazed that she dint utter a single disagreement and just kept quiet. No qns asked nor advice given this time round. I guess she noes what i was thinking all these years. Lotsa popcorns for u.. =)

I had a dinner followed by coffee with a group last nite. A dinner date fixed quite some time ago.. It was relaxed and enjoyable and i guess i really enjoyed it lots.
Taken aback by my wish, stating that i was young, stating it was a waste etc. But i guess they just laughed it off and none vehemently disagreed though some did the last time and tried to persuade me. WAHAHAHA...
I might even need their template. lolx................
Im so glad these people did not tries to waver my stand though they did stated it was a waste..

Personally speaking, i guess it wasnt a waste nor was it a pity. I have been stagnant for too long. Laziness and the low-willed me played a big role....

When i was even younger last time, i guess i climbed too fast and a little tumble and fall there will just cut me so deeply that i do not wish to go through again. Countless of time i have encountered just proved it too much to take. I may appear angry and nochalant about it but i was really heartbroken.
Yes, there are people who are worst than me. Some who been through the dirtiest parth they could have ever stepped on and yet wasnt given a chance at all. Some strived continuously to prove their worth only to be let down by some farking assholes. What i have gone through is absolutely nothing to them. But this is me... I agree that i give up too easily. I crumble within too easily...

At least i have been there once even though i cant relive that moment anymore. Even though i have already forgotten that feeling standing there facing the humongous crowd and paricipating in it. Even though i never got much to prove at that time. I am glad and thankful that i was there once.. Just once...

Even if there is regrets later on, i guess i will have to face it. Since the choice is made by thyself, road is walked by thyself.. heee... Now, i just have to psycho myself that it is okay to lose that honour to represent it. It is okay not to feel the joy of enjoying it. It is okay to lose the limelight that i get from it. it is okay... for now, i just have to psycho myself that... Im trying hard to forget all these.. Trying...

Sorry for the incoherence thoughts and entry. Pardon me for the bad grammer and language used. =)

This is a draft and will be back later on to edit...

i wish you understand more at 8:40 am