looks like i do have some support after all.. Thanks Peizhi.. 1 popcorn for u...
Ya... i guess that something is no longer making me happy. Someone too.. But lets talk bout that something instead... =)
I do after all... have people giving me e support i needed. hee...
Its not being made known to all yet esp those who needed to noe about it. Procastinating to give them an answer.
1 told me that he not trying to be the devil advocate by agreeing with my decision cos i guess from his viewpoint, he thinks its just not worth it? 1 pop corn for him too..
another 1 tells me to follow my mind and not the heart, for the heart lies at times.. Be more focus on the future and the regrets that i might faced later on. But i guess my heart ruled the mind and surpass the passion that i have. Perhapes, there might be a later on chance that i can strive for again should there be a regret. He wishes me all the best and will respect the decision i made. Though he feels it was a waste.
1 tells me not to give up. Reason numerous.
1 asked why am i giving it up? Isnt it a waste? hmmm... i dunno... i just shrug my shoulder...
E one that leaves me the most surprises is my sis.. Im so amazed that she dint utter a single disagreement and just kept quiet. No qns asked nor advice given this time round. I guess she noes what i was thinking all these years. Lotsa popcorns for u.. =)
I had a dinner followed by coffee with a group last nite. A dinner date fixed quite some time ago.. It was relaxed and enjoyable and i guess i really enjoyed it lots.
Taken aback by my wish, stating that i was young, stating it was a waste etc. But i guess they just laughed it off and none vehemently disagreed though some did the last time and tried to persuade me. WAHAHAHA...
I might even need their template. lolx................
Im so glad these people did not tries to waver my stand though they did stated it was a waste..
Personally speaking, i guess it wasnt a waste nor was it a pity. I have been stagnant for too long. Laziness and the low-willed me played a big role....
When i was even younger last time, i guess i climbed too fast and a little tumble and fall there will just cut me so deeply that i do not wish to go through again. Countless of time i have encountered just proved it too much to take. I may appear angry and nochalant about it but i was really heartbroken.
Yes, there are people who are worst than me. Some who been through the dirtiest parth they could have ever stepped on and yet wasnt given a chance at all. Some strived continuously to prove their worth only to be let down by some farking assholes. What i have gone through is absolutely nothing to them. But this is me... I agree that i give up too easily. I crumble within too easily...
At least i have been there once even though i cant relive that moment anymore. Even though i have already forgotten that feeling standing there facing the humongous crowd and paricipating in it. Even though i never got much to prove at that time. I am glad and thankful that i was there once.. Just once...
Even if there is regrets later on, i guess i will have to face it. Since the choice is made by thyself, road is walked by thyself.. heee... Now, i just have to psycho myself that it is okay to lose that honour to represent it. It is okay not to feel the joy of enjoying it. It is okay to lose the limelight that i get from it. it is okay... for now, i just have to psycho myself that... Im trying hard to forget all these.. Trying...
Sorry for the incoherence thoughts and entry. Pardon me for the bad grammer and language used. =)
This is a draft and will be back later on to edit...
